The Plant Test: Why We're Kinder to Houseplants Than Ourselves

A simple shift in perspective that can transform how you grow
The 3 AM Revelation
Picture this: Your plant is wilting. Brown edges, droopy leaves. What do you do? You investigate. When did I last water it? Is it getting enough light? Maybe the soil needs changing.
Now picture this: You're struggling. Anxious, stuck, unfulfilled. What do you do?
You criticize. You shame. You ask: What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I just get it together?
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: We show more patient curiosity to a $30 plant than to ourselves. What if the problem isn’t you, but the brutal lens you're using to see the problem?
The Hidden Foundation Most People Skip
Most behavior change fails (Stanford Behavior Design Lab) because we follow someone else's blueprint. Before changing what’s outside, you have to reconnect with what’s inside: your core values. Skip this, and you might build a museum of accomplishments where your soul doesn’t recognize the exhibits.
The 3-Step Values Discovery
1. The Fulfillment Flashback
Remember a time when you felt alive, engaged, present not because you achieved, but because you were deeply yourself.
That day you tutored someone and felt lit up? That’s not just “helping”, that’s teaching, impact, or connection. The activity reveals the value.
2. The Admiration Audit
Who do you admire not on Instagram, but in real life?
That friend who stays soft in a hard world? That colleague who’s honest even when it’s hard?
Admiration is a homing beacon. It often points to values you want to claim or reclaim — in yourself.
3. The Brave Conversation
Text someone you trust right now:
"Hey, I’m working on better understanding myself. Could you tell me what it’s like to be around me? What do you see as my strengths?"
This might be the most vulnerable and revealing text you send this year. Yes, it might taste like lemon juice through a paper cut. Do it anyway.
The Motivation Trap That Kills Progress
Psychology splits motivation into two types:
• Avoidance Motivation: "I don’t want to be a failure."
• Approach Motivation: "I want to feel proud of how I show up."
Avoidance runs on fear. Approach runs on self-respect. We’ve been trained to run on self-criticism but lasting change only grows in the soil of self-witnessing, not shame.
The Fresh Start Superpower
Research from Wharton shows that simply framing a change as a fresh start increases your chances of success. It’s a psychological reset. You don’t need January 1st. You need a moment where you say: “That was my survival mode. This is my becoming.”
The Inner Critic Revolution
You have over 6,000 thoughts per day. How many would you be proud to post on a billboard? You don’t need to silence your critic, just turn up the volume on your inner advocate.
Think of them like two voices:
• The Critic: "You’re a mess. You’ll just screw this up again."
• The Advocate: "This is hard, and you’re learning. What would help you right now?"
The critic isn’t evil. it's trying to protect you from disappointment. But protection isn't growth. It’s a smoke alarm but from 1987, still blaring at burnt toast. Adjust the sensitivity, not the wiring.
The Relationship Energy Audit
One of the biggest energy leaks? Expecting people to give what they don’t have.
Ask yourself:
• What does this person actually give me?
• What am I hoping they’ll give that they can’t?
• Where else can I meet that need?
Your boss might be brilliant with strategy but emotionally tone-deaf. Stop ordering fine wine at a soda fountain, and start appreciating people for what they actually bring.
Power isn't about domination, it's about agency. The crucial question isn't "Do I have power?" but "Can I take steps independently of what others are doing?"
The Grief of Growth
Every real transformation includes letting go not just of habits, but identities. Growth isn’t just addition. It’s also subtraction. Not failure molting.
The 4-Step Letting Go Protocol:
1. Honor – “This kept me breathing when air was scarce.”
2. Reframe – “This isn’t being abandoned. It’s being completed.”
3. Harvest – “I keep the lesson. I compost the pain.”
4. Anticipate – “What if my next self is already waving from the future?”
The Beginner’s Mind Secret
Children learning to walk don’t apologize for falling. They giggle, get up, and try again.
No shame. Just curiosity.
Whatever you're stepping into may be messy, but you can recapture that willingness to be with the process with wonder, openness, and less concern about perfect outcomes. Approach your growth like a kid covered in finger paint. Messy? Sure. But full of wonder.
The Abundance Paradox
Here's something we rarely discuss: it's surprisingly hard to receive good things. If you've spent a lifetime hustling and struggling, abundance can feel foreign, even suspicious. Success that comes "too easily" might trigger discomfort. But here’s the truth:
• “Good things can arrive without invoices.”
• “I’m allowed to bloom without justifying my roots.”
• “My worth isn’t a debt to be paid off.”
Practice receiving without guilt. It’s a skill and a form of healing.
The Neuroscience Truth
Studies on “super-agers” older adults with the brains of 25-year-olds reveal one powerful habit:
They regularly do things that challenge them, even if it feels uncomfortable in the moment.
The lesson? Feeling uncomfortable doesn't mean something's wrong, it might mean you're growing.
Discomfort doesn’t always mean something’s wrong. It might mean your brain is rewiring for resilience.
Your Permission Slip
A fresh start isn’t something the world hands you. It’s something you grant yourself.
You’re not broken; you’re becoming.
You don’t need fixing; you need the same patient curiosity you’d offer a droopy plant.
Sometimes all it takes is examining your environment, your relationships, your self-talk, your values, and making minor adjustments to create immeasurable impact.
Your Next Move
Ask yourself:
• What would I investigate if I approached my struggle like a plant expert?
• What small environmental tweak could I try today?
• How would I speak to myself if I were someone I loved?
You don’t need to burn everything down. Sometimes a shift in light, a better container, or kinder words is all it takes.
The same wisdom that helps plants thrive can help you flourish.
You already have the roots. The question is: When will you begin?